My Adventures in Social Awkwardness

Well, I went to eat dinner by myself again this evening... and I was asked to join a group of kids: one guy and two girls. Things were going well enough except that I was being a little quiet. I had been working on art in my room for like 3 hours, and then I went to the dining hall expecting to eat alone, so lets just say the "social charm" switch was not in the "on" position.

Anyway, the three students I joined were doing most of the talking. I chimed in periodically, but mostly I was just chewing and listening, chewing and nodding, etc. And then the guy goes, "So, do you talk or what?" (verbatim) And all I could think was, "Crap, is it that obvious that I'm socially inept?"

But on the flip side, all the guy could talk about was how is mother was a crack-whore and his grandmother was a stripper (kind of jokingly, kind of not), while the girls passed around perfume samples from Teen Vogue and commented on the scents... I didn't have much conversation to contribute.

I haven't been able to decide if having company was worth the discomfort. At first, I was angry at myself for not having tried a little harder, I mean it's not like I'm in a position to turn down the offer of friendship right now, but on the other hand, did I want these people as my friends. I was sitting at their table, but I still felt like an outsider. I've always told myself that if awkwardness is the price that has to be paid to make friends, then it should be paid. But the truth is that if I'm awkward as myself instead of being graceful as "someone else" and still come out friendless, that's a price I'm also willing to pay.